Texts I want to send in my group chats but won’t because I don’t want people to think I’m crazy or hate me for it: “Sometimes a hug doesn’t fix anything. And sometimes friendship only goes so far. And sometimes venting doesn’t change anything. When shit is fucked up, it’s only up to you to keep yourself from drowning. And sometimes you’re going to fucking drown. You’re going to drown in self pity, selfishness, and bullshit.”
But they all think that somehow that stupid kid we’re all friends with is going to throw us a life vest and save us from our problems. He had nothing more to say than “I’m here for you”. What the fuck does that even mean? Here for you isn’t listening to all the reasons you failed your math test. Here for you is talking to you every night and making sure you’re okay. Here for you is knowing when you’re not and knowing when to pry things out or to just leave it alone.
Maybe it’s because I won’t open up to anybody else. Maybe I’m talking a whole lot of nonsense but I’m fucking tired of all this “friendship I love you” bullshit. The only people who are here for me is my mom, my boyfriend(who’s 2000 miles away), and my best friend-practically sister(who’s 6000 miles away). And you know what? I’m fucking drowning. I’m drowning in self pity, selfishness, and BULLSHIT.